Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Growing Pain

I have learned more than my share over these past few days. . . .I could always place my finger on the true meaning of loving someone unconditional.  Sometimes the ones you love the most, have the ability to hurt you the most.  For years, since my divorce, I have learned to shield any pain with anger. Why be sad, when I can just simply be pissed off?  Through anger though, not much is accomplished.  Though I had the ability to express in every word the anger I felt about the situation, I allowed spite to cover up how I truly felt.  I’ve learned that it is only in the ability to express pain, that reality sets in.  It’s easier for someone who loves you to accept your pain, than your anger, because the pain is honestly…what’s real. 

I have trusted completely; and in that trust I have expected the most ultimate love and trust in return.  My initial response was always to lash out, say it’s over, not want an explanation for the action, ignore phone calls, say anything to hurt him because I wanted him to feel the way I felt…when truly, I wanted to forgive, I wanted to know why, and the last thing I wanted was him to be out of my life. I thank God, that though he had made the mistake, he loved me and knew me enough, to wait for me to calm down, and be transparent, and vulnerable to let him in to know how much it truly hurt.  Within that confession, on both ends, we were both able to grow.  Weird, huh? I’m asking you to forgive those who hurt you…and show them they’ve hurt you…if you want them in your life though, there’s no other option.

There are numerous self-sabotage types of individuals out there who are just like me. Feel no pain…feel no gain though…sometimes you have to feel ruined to be molded into what God wants us to be.  Pain doesn’t simply come in the form of relationships with a man or woman…relationships come in friendships, in relationships with parents, siblings, and even grandparents.  Could you imagine if God always handled his pain in anger…not giving second chances, willing to sacrifice our lives through destruction because we are constantly making mistakes?

My advice, love and love hard…trust until given a reason not to…forgive, but don’t forget…and be vulnerable to those who love you because there is healing in your journeys…and growth in each trial...

Your Truly,


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