Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Growing Pain

I have learned more than my share over these past few days. . . .I could always place my finger on the true meaning of loving someone unconditional.  Sometimes the ones you love the most, have the ability to hurt you the most.  For years, since my divorce, I have learned to shield any pain with anger. Why be sad, when I can just simply be pissed off?  Through anger though, not much is accomplished.  Though I had the ability to express in every word the anger I felt about the situation, I allowed spite to cover up how I truly felt.  I’ve learned that it is only in the ability to express pain, that reality sets in.  It’s easier for someone who loves you to accept your pain, than your anger, because the pain is honestly…what’s real. 

I have trusted completely; and in that trust I have expected the most ultimate love and trust in return.  My initial response was always to lash out, say it’s over, not want an explanation for the action, ignore phone calls, say anything to hurt him because I wanted him to feel the way I felt…when truly, I wanted to forgive, I wanted to know why, and the last thing I wanted was him to be out of my life. I thank God, that though he had made the mistake, he loved me and knew me enough, to wait for me to calm down, and be transparent, and vulnerable to let him in to know how much it truly hurt.  Within that confession, on both ends, we were both able to grow.  Weird, huh? I’m asking you to forgive those who hurt you…and show them they’ve hurt you…if you want them in your life though, there’s no other option.

There are numerous self-sabotage types of individuals out there who are just like me. Feel no pain…feel no gain though…sometimes you have to feel ruined to be molded into what God wants us to be.  Pain doesn’t simply come in the form of relationships with a man or woman…relationships come in friendships, in relationships with parents, siblings, and even grandparents.  Could you imagine if God always handled his pain in anger…not giving second chances, willing to sacrifice our lives through destruction because we are constantly making mistakes?

My advice, love and love hard…trust until given a reason not to…forgive, but don’t forget…and be vulnerable to those who love you because there is healing in your journeys…and growth in each trial...

Your Truly,


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Give Him Air

I swear Kevin Hart said it best in his stand up, “Seriously Funny” ….women just cant stand to see their man having a great time without them.  And don’t lie cause when he said it in his stand-up…you laughed hard as hell and then side-eyed your man!! You do it, I do it, but then I began to think…why?

Have you ever seen a group of men congregate together? No women, just each other…bottles of liquor, bags of greasy food, and a whole lot of conversation? It is quite interesting to witness, and honestly, they don’t think about us for a second. And you know why? They’re too busy trying to stroke their egos…who’s going to brag the most, and win at the end of the night. And when they’re done “playing” with each other, then they will come hang out or home to you, and let you fulfill the intimate side.  Ladies, we are nothing like this…we don’t get together to try and stroke our egos! No, we get together to try and mend our egos back together.  We discuss our problems, what he done did, said, or not did and not said…and for 30% of the time we talk about what’s good! Men don’t discuss their problems, and they don’t feel like messin’ with us, because that’s what we want to talk about with them!

This is not a declaration for change…cause ladies, this is who we are, but give him some slack. Let him go out and have a great time with his guys, because that’s his moment where he does not have to be on point…or think as hard as we would like him to.  Furthermore, maybe we should try and do the same thing.  Find a balance.  Stop talking about him, or thinking about him as much when you are with your girls…let that be your time to be a woman…it’s the moment where you actually get to be around ladies who understand the layers we’ve developed in our brains!! And trust me…you don’t get that at home!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Cleaning Your Plate

As a woman, I want the best for women.  I want us to carry ourselves as ladies, with dignity, respect…yada yada yada…you get it. Unfortunately, that is not the world that we live in.  Not every woman can be an adult about situations, or control their emotions when their feelings are hurt.

Men and women are two completely different creatures…men cheat, on even the most well packaged woman; women give themselves away too easily, and then wonder why he hasn’t called.  I know I’ve said this, but it still rings true…our emotions get the best of us; we dog out the next woman because of something a man has done…well when is he going to be held accountable?

When you enter a new relationship, how long should it take for you to clean your plate?  If you’ve been talking for a few months before you make it official, that plate should be cleared…right? Some women won’t necessarily follow suit with you deciding to ignore phone calls and text messages; making an announcement to the world via blast text is highly absurd…so what should you do? As time passes, most will get the picture, and fall by the waist side, but there are a few basic chicks who will need to be addressed, and men, as much as you want to act like you don’t know she’s doing too much…if your new girlfriend would think she’s doing too much…she’s doing too damn much.

If you fear being blunt and bold with these simple females who won’t go away, then you probably aren’t ready to commit.  If you know that she loves you, and could careless about the relationship you’ve decided to establish, but continue to have a connection with her…you have not cleared your plate, and aren’t ready to commit.  There should be no hesitation in X’ing certain people off your list…that may create issues in your new relationship. There should be no hesitation in letting people know this is the person you have decided to create a future with, because if you don’t, why would these other women respect your decision and relationship? How would they know how serious you are about the person you claim to love???

This has no bearings on female “friends.” Real friends don’t have an underlying motive…are not waiting in the wings for your relationship to fail so they can take the girlfriend’s place. In essence, if she’s hanging around, and you are letting her, because you evidently have qualms about the current status of your relationship working…well you’ve claimed the inevitable. Your girlfriend will most definitely walk.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Chekk Famous Presents: "Everybody Wants To Be Famous"

With such an explosive sound, Chicago's K-Town brings to you Chekk Famous!! Honestly, listening to his music will make you feel like you are in the middle of a boxing ring...winning!! From start to finish this mixtape will amp you up, arouse you, and inspire you all in one! With lyrics that let you know this talented artist is well on his way to stardom nationwide!! Click on the Link below to hear Chekk's single "Fire Drill" from his new mixtape:

I have had the pleasure of working with this artist, and his creativity is off the meter! Creating one of my own hit's "20/20 Vision" (produced by Bangghz), he has taught me a lot about what makes people catch on and remember your music! He has inspired me to be even more creative in my own writing as an artist!! Hat tipped to you are much appreciated!! To find out more about Chekk Famous please visit his website:

Tomorrow, January 8th YOU MUST BE AT Chekk's Mixtape Release Party at B&B's 127th S State St. If you miss this event you are out here losin! Support one of Chitown's very own!!

Chicago Loves You Chekk!! Thank you for blessing us with real hip hop! Great music!!

Yours Truly,


Thursday, January 6, 2011

A True "Star" Is Born in Vegaz Taelor

          I have to show love to Vegaz Taelor, a 19 year old, up and coming star from Las Vegas.  I met him in 2009 at Waubonsie Valley High School while I was still teaching.  I know now that God does everything for a reason.  When I was initially let go from Waubonsie, I was disappointed, but I realized that those two years spent there were just a part of his master plan, because I would have NEVER met this incredible talent!  Not only is he talented, but he's diligent, driven, committed, has the most vivacious, contagious laugh, and bro's been hittin' the gym pretty tough! As a graphics design major, he uses those talents to aid in his artistry.  He creates videos and pictures you wish you had of your own.... 

Please look out for this future star...his talent and his love will heal so many hearts, and put smiles on everyone's face! This is someone you never want to sleep on... Please make sure you go to the Vegaz-Taelor Channel on YouTube and check out ALL is other videos! Learn to Love Him...Love to Learn Him...

To my baby brother...I am so proud of you, and all that you are accomplishing! I believe in you and your gift! Love you Nuffy...

Yours Truly,

~ Esynaj ~