This topic is difficult to discuss because I know a lot of individuals won't approve of the discussion. I can give you what the word says. I can tell you how, those who believe in God would want you to be, but truth of the matter is, we all die to our flesh every day. We all fall short of his glory, and so therefore I have to touch upon the topic of sex because the mental destruction of young girls giving themselves away to boys/men who do not deserve it, breaks the esteem of young women down daily. God says, do not fornicate; therefore, do not have sex until you are married. My advice: Do your best to follow the word. Keeping that part of you is an honor. And if you fall short, my advice is that you do not give a part of yourself away aimlessly.
Over 70% of teens are having sex before the age of 20, and African-American's more than double the numbers in regards to Caucasians. So why is there a need to have sex? For many it's the intimacy. Wanting to feel needed by the opposite sex, and confusing love with lust. For some, women feel the need to give a part of themselves away because if they don't, he will find someone who will. What's unfortunate is if more women were stronger, the man wouldn't have a choice but to deal with it, but because there is such a large amount of women out here with a lack of self-esteem, men will always be able to find someone who will give it up. Yes, it means you have low self-esteem. Sorry if you don't want to hear it, but it's true. If you had confidence in yourself, then when you felt like you were being pressured to give it up, you would have no problem with saying no, and not feel bad about it later. What you have to realize is that if he is worth it, and the one God wants you to be with, then he will wait. He will wait until you are ready to take that type of step. Some of you all will and have had sex to keep a man you never even had! And when he moves on, before you've even been committed to, you wonder why? If he's not willing to wait, that's all he came for, and if that's not all you came for, well then you can definitely guess that your feelings will be hurt.
Sex is not just an act. It's an emotion. Men have an easier time using that logic, as always, and separating the emotional side. This definitely is not all men, but women, most of us, have emotions tied into it. And you should…it wasn't created to be emotionless. Believe it or not there is a difference between having sex and making love, and there is no greater feeling than making love to someone you know genuinely loves you. Someone who will never leave, and who will be there with you always. It can't feel too good to have sex with someone, and then watch them get up and walk away, and sometimes never see them again. No wonder you have no self-esteem. Then you repeat the act over and over again, because you care so little about yourself, or somewhere in your mind you really think it's going to be different. With anything you do in life, if you want different results you have to do something different. If you don't value yourself, why should he? A man will only do what you allow him to, and to be honest, the road may get lonely at times, but God will bless your obedience, and send you the one who deserves all you have to give.
It took me some time to learn the difference. I've never been an out there kind of woman, but my daughter was conceived out of wedlock, and I had been active before, and though my battles have been in other areas, I will say I have never wanted more than anything to be in a position to make love to my husband. Everything else is a chance. A chance of me giving away something that may be walked away with. It's even worse to have sex with a man, when you emotionally feel it, and you know for them it is just an act. A man who loves you, truly, will show you that love even outside the act of sex. He will pay attention to you, cater to you; show you that intimacy outside the bedroom. And ladies, sometimes you will have to teach him. Show him the type of love you want him to show you, by actually showing him. Sometimes you keep your guard up about the wrong things. Your guard is up with emotions and affection, but it's not up about sex. Backwards, and I was the same way. If he's worth showing, show him. It may not be his entire fault that he's not intimate the way you want him to be. Closed mouths don't get fed.
What I can appreciate in my relationship is his ability to be attentive (examples given upon request lol), and his ability to look me in my eyes when I speak, and care about what I care about. If he doesn't care about what you care about, then he doesn't care. There are many preliminaries that need to be addressed before you decide to give him a piece of what God created to be sacred for you. Run down your check list for yourself, and what you are willing to accept. Run down your check list of things you have to have from him. Make him pass that test first, then get to know him, and make sure he gets to know you, let him take you out, open your door, speak to you with respect. When he understands you, because women we are layers; very complex women, then you discuss allowing him to have a part of you. Remember that complexity and complication are two different things…be certain on who you are before you give a part of you away. Sex was created for two people who have made a commitment to love each other for a life time. If you know you are not going to end up with the guy you are dealing with, don't give him a part of you…he doesn't deserve it. Feel me?