Thursday, April 15, 2010

Are You Ok? “I’m Fine.”

I woke up this morning, having not written all week, with a tingling sensation in the tips of my fingers. What should I talk about today? Should it be about pride, sabotage, instability, or blame? But to be honest, a lot of the issues we deal with in relationships are all rolled into one. For every action there is a reaction. His pride, your fear, blaming issues on each other when we need to self "edit." The instabilities of life, love, and happiness, which makes some of us reckless, and on a path of destruction. Many of us compare our current partner to our last partners, when we should have a clean slate, and it usually makes the other individual pull away.

Relationships don't have to be as complicated as we make them. There are arguments and misunderstandings when there is a lack of communication. A lot of times we bring our own/old issues into a new situation, and expect the other person to help us figure it out. We make assumptions about a person, and don't take the time to think it through before we start finding reasons to separate ourselves from the situation. If it even feels anything like an old situation, we are willing to quit before we actually take the time to communicate real thoughts and opinions. What is communication? Communicating does not mean you wait until the both of you are pissed off, and because you can discuss the issues without arguing, you are great communicators. Communicating is being able to express and convey how you feel with clarity so the other person actually feels comfortable and knows who you are before the need for discussion even happens.

Who said there's anything wrong with making your partner feel comfortable? It's like sometimes people play games on purpose to make the other jealous so you can see how much they actually care. Don't act like it's just been me before. Not answering the phone on purpose so he doesn't know where you are. Never texting back, when you know 100% you would flip out if he didn't respond in your ten minute grace period. Making yourself busy, not making time, going out, staying out all night, and never letting the other person know what's going on. Having an unexplained attitude or tone that makes the other person uncomfortable. If you love this person, why would you ever want them to question your love for them? If you want or need to play games, then maybe you should reassess and reevaluate your own intentions. Being in a committed relationship may not be for you. If you don't want your partner to question your intentions or act a fool, stop being difficult. There are so many things that go on in a relationship, some of them are uncontrollable, so take control of the things you can. Stop making your partner read your mind. If something is wrong, let them know there is a problem. There's nothing worse than an argument over something petty, like the dishes or a missed phone call, when what you're feeling is beyond that. The problem will never be solved. When he asks you are you ok, and you say, "I'm fine." But everyone knows you're really not, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you're not fine, say it because your actions outside of the root issue may cause you to be in the wrong as well. Now your opinion and credibility is lost.

Selfish people who only think of how they feel, who do not try to see things from a perspective other than their own do not need to be married or in relationships. You have to take away the I's or an Us. Think for more than yourself. Think about how you would feel if what you were doing was being done to you. Communicate.

To Be Continued…


No comments:

Post a Comment