Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dream Killer

I don't want girls making the same mistakes I did. Living the way I lived. Giving the way I gave without so much as a thanks or a genuine love in return. Take your emotions and let all that burn…why wait till it's too late. Take it from me and learn. One thing men use is logic, and we don't…Emotionally with lack of rationale we stay on a wing and a prayer! Even when it doesn't feel right, we make excuses for his abuse, his misuse. Logically, it doesn't add up to what we've claimed our standards are, and I know many of us have a list we've created, that we some how ignore when he's done a few things right. Don't get me wrong, we need emotions, but there has to be a balance between the two. Your logic allows you to process the things you need, and do what's best for you regardless of emotions, while emotions allow you to share and convey the love God intended us to convey without condition. But nowhere in there did God tell you to stick around, give up your dreams, deal with his lies, allow him to hurt and abuse you, pay all his bills, and deal with his inability to be a man. I mean through emotion, yes we see potential in men, but why not discriminate? If he's got two kids, and one on the way, he may have potential, but you probably shouldn't sit around and find out. Take it from me, I personally know. If you've been together for four years, and 95% of that time he hasn't had a job, he enjoys taking advantage of you, and will never change. And yes, I've been there as well.

Ladies, I know we mean well, and we want to give him a chance…even when he keeps going back to jail, but seriously go back and look at your list! Stop settling for men who do not deserve you, and who would honestly leave you if you made the mistakes they themselves are making! These men are called "Dream Killers." They watch you sacrifice, spend money, become an emotional wreck, forgive, and bend over backwards to create happiness for them, and all while you are doing this, they are also watching you get side tracked from your original goals. If you're with a man who does not dream, or cannot create a vision for his future, then he doesn't care if you have one either. I read in a book that God created a woman to be loved by a man, and that he should love you the way he loves himself. Does it look like he loves himself if he's not doing much with his life? Does it look like he loves himself, if he's constantly relying on you? The goal is to be wanted ladies…not needed. As a people we should only need the basics: food, clothes, and a roof over our head. Nothing else. If someone has become dependent on you, don't confuse that "need" with a "want." They may not want to be around you, but they need to because you provide the ride for them.

Now 2 kids later, you're stuck with this decision. Now $20,000 + later, you're stuck with this decision. Your heart has been broken so many times you've lost count, and all of what you've stood for is diminished. You are officially lost. Before my very own dream killer, I sang; I flew back and forth to L.A., recorded, and met a lot of individuals in the business. I was destined to be a super star! When I recorded good songs, he was jealous and unsupportive. When I had our child, I finished school, and became a teacher, and he definitely wasn't happy about that either. Jealous of my ability to keep it moving; the man who was supposed to be my #1 fan, and knew how much I wanted to sing, told me that's not what I should be doing. Unhappy with his own life, he hoped to do the same to me. I could have jumped back in the game, but as I stated before, when you deal with dream killers, you don't even remember the strong person you were originally. So, the only thing I could think of was to get out! You don't have to settle or let any situation make you stay. Though you've been broken, it doesn't mean God will not mend it. Place yourself in a position where God will give you what you truly need. No matter what, it will be better in the end.

Dream again!! I'm getting my 2nd chance. Leaving gave me the opportunity to find myself again…but then I truly had to take the steps to be the woman I know God created me to be.

Dream of a man who makes you dream, and supports your vision.

Dream of a man who can see past his own pride, to give you a part of himself.

Dream of a man who is with you all the time because he wants to be, not because he needs to.

Dream of a man who has his own dreams and visions, and has the drive to accomplish them.

Dream of a man who loves God like you do.

Dream of never settling for less than God has willed you to have as his Child.

Dream…live for you, your children, if any, and God…nothing and no one else.



  1. this is definitely official!! nice FAM!!

  2. I about teared up a couple of times...this was pulling at my heart strings. Thanks for sharing