Growing Pain

I have learned more than my share over these past few days. . . .I could always place my finger on the true meaning of loving someone unconditional.  Sometimes the ones you love the most, have the ability to hurt you the most.  For years, since my divorce, I have learned to shield any pain with anger. Why be sad, when I can just simply be pissed off?  Through anger though, not much is accomplished.  Though I had the ability to express in every word the anger I felt about the situation, I allowed spite to cover up how I truly felt.  I’ve learned that it is only in the ability to express pain, that reality sets in.  It’s easier for someone who loves you to accept your pain, than your anger, because the pain is honestly…what’s real. 

I have trusted completely; and in that trust I have expected the most ultimate love and trust in return.  My initial response was always to lash out, say it’s over, not want an explanation for the action, ignore phone calls, say anything to hurt him because I wanted him to feel the way I felt…when truly, I wanted to forgive, I wanted to know why, and the last thing I wanted was him to be out of my life. I thank God, that though he had made the mistake, he loved me and knew me enough, to wait for me to calm down, and be transparent, and vulnerable to let him in to know how much it truly hurt.  Within that confession, on both ends, we were both able to grow.  Weird, huh? I’m asking you to forgive those who hurt you…and show them they’ve hurt you…if you want them in your life though, there’s no other option.

There are numerous self-sabotage types of individuals out there who are just like me. Feel no pain…feel no gain though…sometimes you have to feel ruined to be molded into what God wants us to be.  Pain doesn’t simply come in the form of relationships with a man or woman…relationships come in friendships, in relationships with parents, siblings, and even grandparents.  Could you imagine if God always handled his pain in anger…not giving second chances, willing to sacrifice our lives through destruction because we are constantly making mistakes?

My advice, love and love hard…trust until given a reason not to…forgive, but don’t forget…and be vulnerable to those who love you because there is healing in your journeys…and growth in each trial...

Your Truly,

~Esynaj~

Give Him Air

I swear Kevin Hart said it best in his stand up, “Seriously Funny” ….women just cant stand to see their man having a great time without them.  And don’t lie cause when he said it in his stand-up…you laughed hard as hell and then side-eyed your man!! You do it, I do it, but then I began to think…why?

Have you ever seen a group of men congregate together? No women, just each other…bottles of liquor, bags of greasy food, and a whole lot of conversation? It is quite interesting to witness, and honestly, they don’t think about us for a second. And you know why? They’re too busy trying to stroke their egos…who’s going to brag the most, and win at the end of the night. And when they’re done “playing” with each other, then they will come hang out or home to you, and let you fulfill the intimate side.  Ladies, we are nothing like this…we don’t get together to try and stroke our egos! No, we get together to try and mend our egos back together.  We discuss our problems, what he done did, said, or not did and not said…and for 30% of the time we talk about what’s good! Men don’t discuss their problems, and they don’t feel like messin’ with us, because that’s what we want to talk about with them!

This is not a declaration for change…cause ladies, this is who we are, but give him some slack. Let him go out and have a great time with his guys, because that’s his moment where he does not have to be on point…or think as hard as we would like him to.  Furthermore, maybe we should try and do the same thing.  Find a balance.  Stop talking about him, or thinking about him as much when you are with your girls…let that be your time to be a woman…it’s the moment where you actually get to be around ladies who understand the layers we’ve developed in our brains!! And trust me…you don’t get that at home!

Cleaning Your Plate

As a woman, I want the best for women.  I want us to carry ourselves as ladies, with dignity, respect…yada yada yada…you get it. Unfortunately, that is not the world that we live in.  Not every woman can be an adult about situations, or control their emotions when their feelings are hurt.

Men and women are two completely different creatures…men cheat, on even the most well packaged woman; women give themselves away too easily, and then wonder why he hasn’t called.  I know I’ve said this, but it still rings true…our emotions get the best of us; we dog out the next woman because of something a man has done…well when is he going to be held accountable?

When you enter a new relationship, how long should it take for you to clean your plate?  If you’ve been talking for a few months before you make it official, that plate should be cleared…right? Some women won’t necessarily follow suit with you deciding to ignore phone calls and text messages; making an announcement to the world via blast text is highly absurd…so what should you do? As time passes, most will get the picture, and fall by the waist side, but there are a few basic chicks who will need to be addressed, and men, as much as you want to act like you don’t know she’s doing too much…if your new girlfriend would think she’s doing too much…she’s doing too damn much.

If you fear being blunt and bold with these simple females who won’t go away, then you probably aren’t ready to commit.  If you know that she loves you, and could careless about the relationship you’ve decided to establish, but continue to have a connection with her…you have not cleared your plate, and aren’t ready to commit.  There should be no hesitation in X’ing certain people off your list…that may create issues in your new relationship. There should be no hesitation in letting people know this is the person you have decided to create a future with, because if you don’t, why would these other women respect your decision and relationship? How would they know how serious you are about the person you claim to love???

This has no bearings on female “friends.” Real friends don’t have an underlying motive…are not waiting in the wings for your relationship to fail so they can take the girlfriend’s place. In essence, if she’s hanging around, and you are letting her, because you evidently have qualms about the current status of your relationship working…well you’ve claimed the inevitable. Your girlfriend will most definitely walk.

Chekk Famous Presents: "Everybody Wants To Be Famous"

With such an explosive sound, Chicago's K-Town brings to you Chekk Famous!! Honestly, listening to his music will make you feel like you are in the middle of a boxing ring...winning!! From start to finish this mixtape will amp you up, arouse you, and inspire you all in one! With lyrics that let you know this talented artist is well on his way to stardom nationwide!! Click on the Link below to hear Chekk's single "Fire Drill" from his new mixtape:

http://www.blokclubdjs.net/live/

I have had the pleasure of working with this artist, and his creativity is off the meter! Creating one of my own hit's "20/20 Vision" (produced by Bangghz), he has taught me a lot about what makes people catch on and remember your music! He has inspired me to be even more creative in my own writing as an artist!! Hat tipped to you Chekk...you are much appreciated!! To find out more about Chekk Famous please visit his website:

www.chekkfamous.com

Tomorrow, January 8th YOU MUST BE AT Chekk's Mixtape Release Party at B&B's 127th S State St. If you miss this event you are out here losin! Support one of Chitown's very own!!

Chicago Loves You Chekk!! Thank you for blessing us with real hip hop! Great music!!

Yours Truly,

~Esynaj~

A True "Star" Is Born in Vegaz Taelor

          I have to show love to Vegaz Taelor, a 19 year old, up and coming star from Las Vegas.  I met him in 2009 at Waubonsie Valley High School while I was still teaching.  I know now that God does everything for a reason.  When I was initially let go from Waubonsie, I was disappointed, but I realized that those two years spent there were just a part of his master plan, because I would have NEVER met this incredible talent!  Not only is he talented, but he's diligent, driven, committed, has the most vivacious, contagious laugh, and ladies...my bro's been hittin' the gym pretty tough! As a graphics design major, he uses those talents to aid in his artistry.  He creates videos and pictures you wish you had of your own.... 

Please look out for this future star...his talent and his love will heal so many hearts, and put smiles on everyone's face! This is someone you never want to sleep on... Please make sure you go to the Vegaz-Taelor Channel on YouTube and check out ALL is other videos! Learn to Love Him...Love to Learn Him...

http://www.youtube.com/user/VegazTaelor

To my baby brother...I am so proud of you, and all that you are accomplishing! I believe in you and your gift! Love you Nuffy...

Yours Truly,

~ Esynaj ~

Blinded

The moment you decide to place more value on your life over another individual’s…is the moment you lose your spirit of discernment.  The ability to discern enemies over sincerity.  The skill to read people for their motives and intentions. It’s a gradual growth to becoming blind. This is the first sense to go.  Blinded by the money, the lifestyle, the groupies, the libations…the dreams you’re being sold.  Your reality shifts, and you lose sight of what’s real and what’s not.  It’s like ‘Inception’ with Leonardo DiCaprio where by the end of the movie no one’s sure of the actual reality.

The worst part about going blind is that most of you haven’t even reached your full potential before you decide to poke out your eyes.  You let the smallest, most irrelevant things boost your egos.  Last night I tweeted, “Niggas get 1000 followers, and don’t know how to tweet back!” This is actually hilarious, but petty at the same time.  The people who do the most, get the least recognition; the people who have the most talent, are the last to get respect; the people who love the most, are misused and abused by individuals who know not how to love.  There’s a thin line between confidence and being insecure.  If 1000 followers makes you feel like you’ve “made it” somewhere in life, then you must realize how little you truly think yourself.  *shrugs*

Psalms 25: 9 – 13:  The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way. All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins. Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. They will live in prosperity, and their children will inherit the land.

The humble individuals who love honest and genuine; the individuals who don’t allow material things to drive their life; the individuals who look to inspire, uplift, help, guide, influence positively…those are the individuals who will receive the blessings written in His word.  We were all created the same…spirits are the same…not one person is more valuable than another…He’s given us all gifts and a purpose in this life.  Don’t be blinded by temporary bliss…nothing lasts forever, and the moment you get to feelin yaself too tough…He will take it all from you with a blink of an eye…your sight will then be restored.

~Truly Yours~

Esynaj

God's Love

It's been 5 months since I last posted...I've grown since then...I've been through even more since then...so I have even more to give you...some good, some hurtful, some bad, some blessings...overall it's Just "Real"..."The Real Star Esynaj" ~God is Love


There’s always that one person that manages to creep and seep their love into your heart! That one person has eased their way in…leaving an unforgettable imprint on your life.  For some of us, including myself, there’s no getting to my heart easily…my heart has been a vault for years…but that person will know exactly what to do to help you let your hair down…


It happens when you least expect it…it’s how you feel when you know you’ve pleased God. An ultimate feeling of peace and joy in your heart when you know that person’s love is genuine and true.  You know you’re in love when you can accept and love that person through all their flaws, but not let them settle with them either…True enough yes we can’t change who we are…but we can definitely get better.


That person manages to motivate you…make you want to be more than you already are.  A life that lacks selfishness…but believes in sacrifice.  This person manages to be a consistent force of love…that you find yourself praying for on a regular basis…an overwhelming feeling of wanting to feel their heart beating next to yours…


It’s a love that, despite your own personal circumstances, makes you fearless, strong, and forget about all your problems…just being with that person is enough to light up your world. It’s understanding that “If you loved me at 10 percent, it's only right that I love you back at 90. Some days you'll have to love me at 90 because I can only supply 10.” Give and take; be strong for one another; and do it at all times.


It’s the point in which you witness God’s love…and understand that God is Love! When this love finds you…you know you’ve been a true witness to how God loves us…through our mistakes, our poor decisions, or neglect to God…He loves us anyway…and knowing you can find a kind of love like that in a man/woman will make you surrender your heart to that person forever. Are you willing to allow yourself to see it…feel it…believe in it?


Yours Truly






~Esynaj~